The Long Letter

Below is a verbatim translation of the handwritten long letter that Inge wrote to Fred after their fight the morning of her murder, which she gave to him on campus before he left for Pinelands.


Dear Fred

This letter is going to be a bit more difficult than email (can’t delete and make changes over and over), but I must get these little things off my chest this morning.

I am sorry you left here this morning so confused – I was initially unreasonable and consequently the whole thing got out of control.

Firstly, about you and your brothers … I pray that God will give you wisdom on how to handle the situation and that you will be able to resolve the issues between you. Remember, I am ALWAYS there if you want to talk and I very much want to be a part of your life and try to understand what you are going through.

The little things that are bothering me at this time … I am really sorry about some of the things I said this morning. My biggest mistake over recent times must have been to find my security and solution to my low self-esteem in you instead of in God. I haven’t realised it up until now, but God has unbelievable ways to speak to one, and I now realise that I have been the unreasonable one and not you.

Further, I am extremely scared of the Easter weekend and that you will see my father when he has had too much to drink. I don’t want to lose you in such a way, and I don’t want you to see that side of my family.

It must sound silly but it’s really a big concern to me. And lastly, just the usual little things – work, CT1 [Financial Mathematics], am I going to get a job, what am I going to do with my flat? etc. etc.

It sounds silly when I write it down on paper, but it’s only right that you know what is going on. I don’t want to keep bothering you with the same issues!

Sorry that I sometimes forget that you’re only human – I look up to you so much and have such great respect for you – your opinions and the way you handle problems. I don’t always realise that you also have bad days and get hurt sometimes. I don’t always know how to support you and if you even need or want support. I don’t understand how you handle hurt – you will have to teach me how to understand you and how to support you.

I feel that I disappoint you if I can’t do the things I mentioned above and that you deserve to have a beautiful girlfriend who looks good, who can cook (:-))!!) and who is in all respects just as perfect as you are – I struggle sometimes to get there – perhaps this is what is the most difficult for me … I know that you don’t expect it of me, but then you must please show me how I can be the perfect girlfriend for YOU.

I love you VERY much and I don’t want to look any further – tomorrow it will be one year since I fell in love with you:-) (the 1st Wednesday afternoon that you alone came over and had coffee with me:-) – and since that day I have not doubted for one moment that it is you I want. You have enriched my life in so many ways and every day with you is the greatest gift that anyone can dream of.

You need NEVER have doubt again for one moment that I am absolutely committed and that I want with everything within me to be with you forever. I want to promise today that I will not depend on you for a good self-image and for security, but that I will take it to God, and that I will support you in everything that you do and that I will be absolutely honest with you about all aspects of my life. I can also promise you today that I will, with God’s grace, always remain faithful and that I will never cheat on you I will never do anything behind your back.

I love you with all my heart and I have no doubt that I want to spend the rest of my life with you.

Strength with everything at work …

All my love

Inge


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